Sunday, September 21, 2008

Get over it Lion fans: Here's how

Well, I am assuming you read my post yesterday and have decided to seek therapy.

Good. You have taken the first step. I know you have that urge to watch the game. I KNOW because I have it too. I too have that feeling: THIS MIGHT BE THE DAY.

Okay, it might be true that if you watch enough Lion games THIS one just might be THE one. Sure, and your grandma might come back from her grave and become an avid Lion fan too.

So, what can we do to help ourselves?

You know that feeling you get when you see some dorky man raking his garden when the Lions are on. You know? You thought, "How could any REAL man not be watching football right now?"
You know that irritated feeling you had when you were at your brother-in-laws watching the Lions pre-game show and, just as the Lions were kicking off, the bumbling idiot turned on some old boring movie.

You sat there vexed. Yet you were a gentleman and said nothing.

Yes, you are not alone. However, did you ever notice that those dorky men who never watch sports don't get vexed either. THEY are apathetic. And, it is apathetic that you want to become. You want to be phlegmatic.

How do you become an apathetic Lion fan. Aha, you need therepy. To get therapy, all you need to do is look at what the dorky, non-Lion watching fool and see what he does during Lion games.

Yes, and here is a list of things you can do for therapy at 1:00 on Sundays instead of watching the Lions.
  1. You can watch an old Elvis movie with your wife

  2. You can mow the lawn

  3. You can pick the last few tomatoes

  4. You can take your children to the park

  5. You can make out with your spouse

  6. You can watch a boring political speech

  7. There's always the history channel or discovery

  8. Or you can watch the cooking channel.

  9. Perhaps a new hobby will get set your mind right
  10. Take your family out to eat during the game

  11. You can always take a nap (then again, that might remind you of the Lions)

  12. Visit your brother-in-law who hates sports and talk about the cows

Tut-tut! Don't give in to that temptation to turn on the game. Remember, your goal here is to get the Lions out of your head. Don't flip the channel, because this is not THE game.

Come one. Don't fall into the trap that just because the Lions do good one game that they will repeat.


Khaki Elephant said...

That was brutal. Just brutal. Really brutal. I think I'll start following curling. Boy, can those Canadian sweep a mean stretch of ice.

Z said...

I'm no football fan, but THIS was funny! Thanks, freadom!!

But, how do you REALLY FEEL?!!!

Freadom said...

Funny thing is, I couldn't resist and I suffered through it again. I need some real help.